A couple weekends ago, Kim and I went to see the documentary, Who Does She Think She Is?, at Pacific Cinematheque. Our lunch, convo and company was fantastic, but the film itself touched on such sensitive topics for me, I’m not entirely sure it was a good idea for me. Even watching the trailer had made me upset, what made me think I should watch the whole movie?
The five female artists in the film struggle to maintain a balance between their art, work and their families. Three of the five women end up divorced. It’s tremendously painful for me to hear the stories of all these women and how many of them are considered to be so selfish. How creativity is stuffed between driving kids from school to soccer practice. It’s reality, I suppose, that you can never do the one thing you want to do to satisfaction… everything is tempered with everything else. I guess that’s what we call “life/work balance”. But what about considering the option of creating until burnout and then renewing yourself? With each time that you creatively push yourself to and over the edge, you expand your experience and your ability to see new and different things. Maybe this is ultimately unhealthy and unbalanced but still a way to be creative.
I remember a time when for months, I would work to exhaustion. I’d create things until 4 am when my contacts dried onto my eyes. And then all productivity would drop off to zero and I’d sleep or stare blankly at the screen. And then I’d repeat the highs and lows. Maybe this is considered manic and unhealthy… but it was also a time when I was unnaturally prolific in the quantity and quality of the work I was creating.
When I took my hiatus from dyeing and designing, I basically fell off the face of the planet… not just as a creative person, but as a person, period. I felt that by the end of my timeout, my sadness and angst was most related to not having and serving purposeful, selfless work. I feel that I am nothing without real work… maybe because without real work, I have no reason to be here. I guess I don’t mean work as in what you do to buy groceries or pay rent… I mean work that you set your hands to, work that has hope for something outside of yourself. And I whether I am right or wrong to do so, I deeply relate this kind of work to personal identity.
If I am not my work, then who am I? If I am not sweetgeorgia, not a dyer, not a knitter, not a designer, not a business person, not an artist… then who am I? I tell you, cocktail party conversations are the worst. Validate your existence in seven words, now. Go!
I like long walks on the beach, music, and I can eat a baked good in the amount of time it takes you to say “baked good”. There’s got to be more than that.
On Saturday, I happened to stumble upon the show at the Richmond Art Gallery called Observation of Wonder, a two-part installation by artist, Brenda Maag. From her statement, she says “Doilies are made by crocheting and, like much domestic textile work, crochet was considered an acceptable form of creativity for women in the 19th and 20th centuries. No longer in style, doilies have been abandoned in thrift shops which is where I bought them for next to nothing. Observation of Wonder is a two-part installation made with a collection of these recovered handmade doilies … The installation represents a new appreciation of the beauty, symmetry and mathematical complexity of the doilies and invites viewers to see nature’s phenomenal diversity reflected in human creativity.”
If you get a chance to take a look, drop by the Richmond Art Gallery before the show closes on May 17th. The conservatory with the doilies is interesting to walk into and the beauty of these humble homely textiles is made accessible. What if your “acceptable form of creativity” had no value in society a hundred years from now? Would you still do it?
I struggle every single day with the idea of meaningful vs. financially satisifying work. This idea of the sexy job vs. the ugly job. Maybe I see this in every instance… the want to vs. the have to. I don’t know… I can’t be the only one that has these thoughts. Or has everyone already found meaningful, soul expanding, life work and I’m still knocking at the door?
Thanks for everyone’s encouragement on my little cardigan sweater! I’ve been knitting it again, this time in sportweight and trying to alter the shaping a little bit. I think I’ll work a bit on this sexy job this morning before I head off to my ugly job.
I totally hear you on this subject. I can add surveyor, mother, daughter (heck yeah it’s work)to that list. I say that work does not define who you are, rather they are facets of your sparkling personailty (too much?). I’m not sure if I agree with the burnout/renewal method, it can’t be mentally healthy. There must be other healthier ways of getting a new perspective other than turning yourself into a zombie. But then what do I know, I’m a knitter who happens to be a techie.
Take care.
I totally hear you on this subject. I can add surveyor, mother, daughter (heck yeah it’s work)to that list. I say that work does not define who you are, rather they are facets of your sparkling personailty (too much?). I’m not sure if I agree with the burnout/renewal method, it can’t be mentally healthy. There must be other healthier ways of getting a new perspective other than turning yourself into a zombie. But then what do I know, I’m a knitter who happens to be a techie.
Take care.
My creativity is stuffed between driving kids to music lessons, laundry, cooking meals, and my full-time ‘real’ job. It’s very draining and sometimes I just have no drive to be creative. But my day job doesn’t usually afford that outlet either, so I return to yarn over and over again.
My creativity is stuffed between driving kids to music lessons, laundry, cooking meals, and my full-time ‘real’ job. It’s very draining and sometimes I just have no drive to be creative. But my day job doesn’t usually afford that outlet either, so I return to yarn over and over again.
You make a lot of sense to me; I think there’s a long line at the door in front of you. We need to be needed in multiple ways for our own health and happiness. Good luck on your quest.
You make a lot of sense to me; I think there’s a long line at the door in front of you. We need to be needed in multiple ways for our own health and happiness. Good luck on your quest.
Thank you for sharing this with us. It’s a tough thing not to lose yourself–to be able to find a balance–in life, love, work, whatever. I think we all struggle with it to some degree or another. Sometimes, it’s enough to know that you are not alone.
If it helps at all, I hate that cocktail party talk too. I mean, WTF am I gonna say? Um, I used to…well, I sort of…now I…
I sometimes hate my husband who can say it much more succinctly: I’m a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, shut up, showoff. ;-)
Thank you for sharing this with us. It’s a tough thing not to lose yourself–to be able to find a balance–in life, love, work, whatever. I think we all struggle with it to some degree or another. Sometimes, it’s enough to know that you are not alone.
If it helps at all, I hate that cocktail party talk too. I mean, WTF am I gonna say? Um, I used to…well, I sort of…now I…
I sometimes hate my husband who can say it much more succinctly: I’m a lawyer. Yeah, yeah, shut up, showoff. ;-)
I think that if the job that’s financially the best is not satisfying at least some part of your soul, then it’s time to make a change. You are certainly not the only one who ponders these ideas. It’s always a struggle for me to find that balance between my ‘real job’, teaching, and doing what I really love, my yarn thing!
I think that if the job that’s financially the best is not satisfying at least some part of your soul, then it’s time to make a change. You are certainly not the only one who ponders these ideas. It’s always a struggle for me to find that balance between my ‘real job’, teaching, and doing what I really love, my yarn thing!
I’m think I’m always at a never ending spriral of my own creativity. Over a decade ago when I graduated high school I thought I had this job-thing licked. I worked my ass off to get into the career I wanted, something that I thought was really creative and fun – and still is. I ended up getting to a dream job and have since been there for the past 6 years. In those years, I toiled back and forth about whether this was the right choice. I had lost some “fun” in my job. The creativity was lacking and I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again, yet I was not.
But here I still am and just a few months ago, the job, though still the same, the content altered and I have my other creative outlets through knitting and cooking/baking. I don’t think I’d ever be fully satisfied with whatever it is I choose to do. But I think it’s only because I love doing more than one thing. It’s the challenge of keeping all the yarn balls up in the air and trying to safisfy my “now” rather than the greater sum. Though sometimes, I think my now ultimately makes up for a happier me all around and for the future.
I’m think I’m always at a never ending spriral of my own creativity. Over a decade ago when I graduated high school I thought I had this job-thing licked. I worked my ass off to get into the career I wanted, something that I thought was really creative and fun – and still is. I ended up getting to a dream job and have since been there for the past 6 years. In those years, I toiled back and forth about whether this was the right choice. I had lost some “fun” in my job. The creativity was lacking and I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over again, yet I was not.
But here I still am and just a few months ago, the job, though still the same, the content altered and I have my other creative outlets through knitting and cooking/baking. I don’t think I’d ever be fully satisfied with whatever it is I choose to do. But I think it’s only because I love doing more than one thing. It’s the challenge of keeping all the yarn balls up in the air and trying to safisfy my “now” rather than the greater sum. Though sometimes, I think my now ultimately makes up for a happier me all around and for the future.
I struggle with this daily. I’ve blogged about it before, so I know I’m not alone. I think it’s difficult with even one child, but I have four and the time left for me to be creative is short. Now that I’ve added part-time work to the mix, the creative me is suffering.
I am so fortunate to have a partner who sees how much better I feel when I have the time and resources to creative. I’ve started to take a few nights a week and my commute to work to get some knitting or crafting in. I’m lucky that my husband doesn’t think it’s selfish, though some other people in my life don’t agree.
I struggle with this daily. I’ve blogged about it before, so I know I’m not alone. I think it’s difficult with even one child, but I have four and the time left for me to be creative is short. Now that I’ve added part-time work to the mix, the creative me is suffering.
I am so fortunate to have a partner who sees how much better I feel when I have the time and resources to creative. I’ve started to take a few nights a week and my commute to work to get some knitting or crafting in. I’m lucky that my husband doesn’t think it’s selfish, though some other people in my life don’t agree.
Such a thought-provoking post! I truly struggle with this everyday, but so does Rob. He’s doing what he’s wanted to since he was 10 years old, a creative, fulfilling job, but he still wants to just run away pretty much everyday. So I think men and women struggle with this, it’s just men usually have an easier way to express their creativity and get to keep their identity. But we are both still knocking at the door of meaningful/soul expanding work as well!
And cocktail party conversations… don’t get me started. I am The Worst. Especially now that we seem to get invited to more and more Rob work-related functions… sigh…
But… the new sweater color is fabulous! Can’t wait to see it completed!
Such a thought-provoking post! I truly struggle with this everyday, but so does Rob. He’s doing what he’s wanted to since he was 10 years old, a creative, fulfilling job, but he still wants to just run away pretty much everyday. So I think men and women struggle with this, it’s just men usually have an easier way to express their creativity and get to keep their identity. But we are both still knocking at the door of meaningful/soul expanding work as well!
And cocktail party conversations… don’t get me started. I am The Worst. Especially now that we seem to get invited to more and more Rob work-related functions… sigh…
But… the new sweater color is fabulous! Can’t wait to see it completed!
Thanks for this – interesting to see the movie trailer and hear your thoughts on that forever struggle of balancing life and work, work you love and work that pays the bills. I have a more creative job than most as a graphic designer, but staring at a computer screen all day is getting to me and I’d love to be doing something tactile – you are a great inspiration with sweetgeorgia!
My partner does encourage my creativity at home, but he in some ways has chosen a career that lets him do the things he loves (outdoor instructor) even if it is not financially rewarding, but I wonder if this too puts more financial pressure on me and makes me fear striking out into something new?
Thanks for this – interesting to see the movie trailer and hear your thoughts on that forever struggle of balancing life and work, work you love and work that pays the bills. I have a more creative job than most as a graphic designer, but staring at a computer screen all day is getting to me and I’d love to be doing something tactile – you are a great inspiration with sweetgeorgia!
My partner does encourage my creativity at home, but he in some ways has chosen a career that lets him do the things he loves (outdoor instructor) even if it is not financially rewarding, but I wonder if this too puts more financial pressure on me and makes me fear striking out into something new?
Well today was the first day of my ugly job. I can’t tell you how hard it was to wake up this morning. And how weird it feels to think that I have to go to work at the same time every day after so long going where I want when I want.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s meaningful work, and it is definitely a career (which according to everyone else in the world, I should be thrilled with) but, as you know, I’m not completely enthusiastic.
Well today was the first day of my ugly job. I can’t tell you how hard it was to wake up this morning. And how weird it feels to think that I have to go to work at the same time every day after so long going where I want when I want.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s meaningful work, and it is definitely a career (which according to everyone else in the world, I should be thrilled with) but, as you know, I’m not completely enthusiastic.
I think about these issues every day, too. I agree with so much of what you’ve said. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing these personal and thought-provoking ideas. They’ve put a bit of a bug in my head, and so here’s my experience, for what it’s worth.
I don’t think there are any easy answers to these questions, and it seems like we all have to bumble along, making mistakes along the way, to come out the other side. I’ve struggled tremendously with career issues, bouncing from arts to science, and several things in between. I used to think it was all-important to be A Something (doctor, lawyer, psychologist, artist, fill in the blank), that career = identity – but now I’m not so sure.
My job is the least sexy on the planet (try seeing the look on people’s faces at a cocktail party when you tell them you stay home with your kids, and watch yourself suddenly become invisible and insignificant. It’s loads of fun.) The disapproval just leaks from my more feminist friends – it’s obvious that in their eyes, you would only ever choose to stay home if you had somehow “failed” on the career front, or were woefully confused.
I have four degrees and a professional certificate, and never would have guessed (and certainly never intended) that I would have found by far the most job satisfaction to date in caring for my kids. And I do sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong me that I don’t feel more stifled and frustrated (and perhaps there is LOL – but I can live with that).
What do I like about it? One thing is I like the opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life with kindness. I know that when I respond with kindness, compassion and understanding to my kids when they’re the most frustrating, I know that I’m helping them form inner self-talk in which they will have compassion for themselves as adults. I like being able to see the world fresh, through their eyes, and that in order to be a good parent, I’ve had to learn to calm myself, to breathe and realign myself daily.
My time to do what most consider the “want to” things is limited, but perhaps that makes those moments all the sweeter. All of this has made me re-think entirely how we derive meaning from work, particularly “women’s work” vs. “men’s work” (the former being dull and repetitive and the latter being the “sexy”). I think of the Zen idea of “draw water, carry wood” (or something like that) – that throwing yourself entirely into the moment of the unsexy tasks, is precisely and paradoxically the thing that can bring us meaning. I think western society has lost touch with this idea altogether.
Not saying I don’t have my bad days, because I do, and sometimes putting my goals into practice is very hard. But on the whole, this is what is working for me now at the advanced age of nearly 47, and that will change in a few short years when my youngest is at school, and then I’ll have to reinvent myself again. That’ll be another trip, but I feel more prepared for it than ever since “dropping out”(though it feels like dropping in), and having a chance to breathe.
Thank you for sharing these personal and thought-provoking ideas. They’ve put a bit of a bug in my head, and so here’s my experience, for what it’s worth.
I don’t think there are any easy answers to these questions, and it seems like we all have to bumble along, making mistakes along the way, to come out the other side. I’ve struggled tremendously with career issues, bouncing from arts to science, and several things in between. I used to think it was all-important to be A Something (doctor, lawyer, psychologist, artist, fill in the blank), that career = identity – but now I’m not so sure.
My job is the least sexy on the planet (try seeing the look on people’s faces at a cocktail party when you tell them you stay home with your kids, and watch yourself suddenly become invisible and insignificant. It’s loads of fun.) The disapproval just leaks from my more feminist friends – it’s obvious that in their eyes, you would only ever choose to stay home if you had somehow “failed” on the career front, or were woefully confused.
I have four degrees and a professional certificate, and never would have guessed (and certainly never intended) that I would have found by far the most job satisfaction to date in caring for my kids. And I do sometimes wonder if there’s something wrong me that I don’t feel more stifled and frustrated (and perhaps there is LOL – but I can live with that).
What do I like about it? One thing is I like the opportunity to make a difference in someone’s life with kindness. I know that when I respond with kindness, compassion and understanding to my kids when they’re the most frustrating, I know that I’m helping them form inner self-talk in which they will have compassion for themselves as adults. I like being able to see the world fresh, through their eyes, and that in order to be a good parent, I’ve had to learn to calm myself, to breathe and realign myself daily.
My time to do what most consider the “want to” things is limited, but perhaps that makes those moments all the sweeter. All of this has made me re-think entirely how we derive meaning from work, particularly “women’s work” vs. “men’s work” (the former being dull and repetitive and the latter being the “sexy”). I think of the Zen idea of “draw water, carry wood” (or something like that) – that throwing yourself entirely into the moment of the unsexy tasks, is precisely and paradoxically the thing that can bring us meaning. I think western society has lost touch with this idea altogether.
Not saying I don’t have my bad days, because I do, and sometimes putting my goals into practice is very hard. But on the whole, this is what is working for me now at the advanced age of nearly 47, and that will change in a few short years when my youngest is at school, and then I’ll have to reinvent myself again. That’ll be another trip, but I feel more prepared for it than ever since “dropping out”(though it feels like dropping in), and having a chance to breathe.
Felicia, this was so interesting; thanks for sharing the link to the trailer, and your own thoughts about it!
Felicia, this was so interesting; thanks for sharing the link to the trailer, and your own thoughts about it!
I think about these issues every day, too. I agree with so much of what you’ve said. Thanks for sharing.
This is way too long, but you got me going on my soapbox…
You are talking about something I’ve been dealing with recently, too. I lost about 20 years of ‘me’ fitting into the ‘mommy’ world.(lucky? enough to be an at home mom) I am finally finding my way back to my creative world. At first I was looking for a ‘real’ job or a job that would ‘make a difference’ – but have since realized this is what I love – fiber and fiber arts – and it makes me happy. I still feel about the same way when people ask me what I do – for years it was – I’m a mom (silence – then on to other things) and now I find myself trying to embellish what I am doing because no one ‘gets it’. How do we get respect for our ‘art’ and creative-ness? – Many consider fiber arts as ‘crafts’ which don’t get much respect in suburbia. Fiber artists – Unite!
May I gently suggest that you slow your kids and your life down (I know it’s hard – my kids felt there was no one to ‘play’ with since all the others were so scheduled). Set aside a day to trade kids off with friends? anything so you can fit that creativity in – and don’t do errands- it’s your time. I have to say, I would do things much differently if I had it to do all over again -and not lose me quite so much. If you don’t practice your art, you lose it – and part of yourself. You’re also setting a good example for your family by not losing yourself and that you have something to do that makes you happy.
My mantra has finally become – be yourself – not who you think others think you should be…
This is way too long, but you got me going on my soapbox…
You are talking about something I’ve been dealing with recently, too. I lost about 20 years of ‘me’ fitting into the ‘mommy’ world.(lucky? enough to be an at home mom) I am finally finding my way back to my creative world. At first I was looking for a ‘real’ job or a job that would ‘make a difference’ – but have since realized this is what I love – fiber and fiber arts – and it makes me happy. I still feel about the same way when people ask me what I do – for years it was – I’m a mom (silence – then on to other things) and now I find myself trying to embellish what I am doing because no one ‘gets it’. How do we get respect for our ‘art’ and creative-ness? – Many consider fiber arts as ‘crafts’ which don’t get much respect in suburbia. Fiber artists – Unite!
May I gently suggest that you slow your kids and your life down (I know it’s hard – my kids felt there was no one to ‘play’ with since all the others were so scheduled). Set aside a day to trade kids off with friends? anything so you can fit that creativity in – and don’t do errands- it’s your time. I have to say, I would do things much differently if I had it to do all over again -and not lose me quite so much. If you don’t practice your art, you lose it – and part of yourself. You’re also setting a good example for your family by not losing yourself and that you have something to do that makes you happy.
My mantra has finally become – be yourself – not who you think others think you should be…
Felicia, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this very important matter. I too struggle with the idea that what I do is not necessarily who I am and that the things I like to do will not necessarily make me rich or be particularly appreciated by the general public.
I am often told I can buy socks for something like $2 a pair or less. Or asked ‘how long does it take you to make a pair of gloves’. The answer to the latter often accompanies a shocked look. Store bought pies are often placed next to my homemade ones and people will even tell me I could have ‘just bought one’ instead of making it myself.
Although crafters and artists are often under appreciated (in my humble opinion)I try to remember to enjoy the journey and that it is important that I like what I do, not what other people think. That is easier said than done, but that’s the goal.
Felicia, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts on this very important matter. I too struggle with the idea that what I do is not necessarily who I am and that the things I like to do will not necessarily make me rich or be particularly appreciated by the general public.
I am often told I can buy socks for something like $2 a pair or less. Or asked ‘how long does it take you to make a pair of gloves’. The answer to the latter often accompanies a shocked look. Store bought pies are often placed next to my homemade ones and people will even tell me I could have ‘just bought one’ instead of making it myself.
Although crafters and artists are often under appreciated (in my humble opinion)I try to remember to enjoy the journey and that it is important that I like what I do, not what other people think. That is easier said than done, but that’s the goal.
I think this issue is really difficult for women; I’ve never heard a man called “selfish” for being childfree/less, but women get that all the time. Even when I tell people that I want to be an elementary school teacher, I get that same speech from people, just for wanting a few solitary hours at the end of the day.
For me, a meaningful job is one that benefits both the person doing it and their community. Teaching will let me help others on their paths to creativity and growth while also allowing me the modest means and time to pursue mine. It’s that balance I’m looking for. Motherhood appeals in a lot of ways, but I’m concerned I would get lost in it and not have enough space for me.
But we’ll see what the future brings…
I think this issue is really difficult for women; I’ve never heard a man called “selfish” for being childfree/less, but women get that all the time. Even when I tell people that I want to be an elementary school teacher, I get that same speech from people, just for wanting a few solitary hours at the end of the day.
For me, a meaningful job is one that benefits both the person doing it and their community. Teaching will let me help others on their paths to creativity and growth while also allowing me the modest means and time to pursue mine. It’s that balance I’m looking for. Motherhood appeals in a lot of ways, but I’m concerned I would get lost in it and not have enough space for me.
But we’ll see what the future brings…